Do you feel drained or even doubt your own memory after meetings? Does your job sometimes feel like an emotional battlefield? If this sounds familiar, I want you to know that you are not imagining it , and you are definitely not alone.
As a certified trauma recovery coach and a survivor of narcissistic abuse myself, I've dedicated my work to helping people heal, rebuild, and thrive after toxic relationships. Dealing with a narcissistic colleague can be one of the most confusing and emotionally taxing experiences, but once you see the patterns, you can start protecting your peace.
When I talk about narcissism, I'm not referring to a clinical diagnosis. I’m talking about recognizing behavioral patterns that are toxic, manipulative, and emotionally harmful. There's a huge difference between a confident colleague and a narcissistic one. Confidence builds people up; narcissism tears them down.
Overt vs. Covert: The Two Faces of Workplace Narcissism
It’s crucial to understand that workplace narcissism can show up in two very different ways.
The Overt Narcissist: This is the one you can spot easily. They are loud, arrogant, and always seeking attention.
The Covert Narcissist: This type is much sneakier. They might play the victim, use guilt-tripping to manipulate you , or even come across as shy and soft-spoken. But underneath that facade, the manipulation is still there.
The 5 Red Flags You Can't Ignore
So, what does this actually look like on the job? Here are the five key signs I want you to watch for.
1. They Steal Credit for Your Work Have you ever completed a big project, only to hear a colleague casually present your idea as their own? Narcissists love the spotlight and rarely share it.
2. They Manipulate Through Charm, Guilt, or Gaslighting They often start out being incredibly friendly and complimentary to make you feel important. But if you confront them about a mistake, you might suddenly be accused of being "too sensitive" or "overreacting". If you've ever heard the phrase, "I was just joking. You take everything so seriously," you've experienced classic gaslighting.
3. They Show a Shocking Lack of Empathy A narcissistic colleague doesn't care that you're overwhelmed or that you stayed late all week. If you bring up feeling stressed or burnt out, they will almost always pivot the conversation back to themselves with comments like, "Well, I'm under a lot of pressure too, you know".
4. They Thrive on Gossip and Triangulation Narcissists love to create chaos by pitting people against each other. They might complain to you about a coworker, then go to that same coworker and say something negative about you. This keeps everyone off-balance and allows them to feel in control.
5. They React Terribly to Feedback Trying to give a narcissistic colleague constructive criticism is often met with defensiveness, stonewalling, or even retaliation. They might respond with sarcasm or exclude you from important meetings. Don't be fooled by the non-apology, "I'm sorry you feel that way." That isn't a real apology; it's deflection.
Your Toolkit for Taking Back Control
Now for the empowering part: you have tools to handle this. You don’t have to feel powerless at work.
Set Emotional Boundaries. You are not required to get pulled into their drama. If they start gossiping, practice saying, "I'm focused on my work right now, I can't get into this".
Keep Written Records. If you're dealing with missed deadlines or unfair blame, keep a paper trail. Follow up important conversations with an email summary. This protects you and creates documentation if you ever need to escalate the situation.
Use the "Gray Rock" Method. This technique is about being boring. Give short, uninteresting answers with no emotional reaction. Narcissists feed on your energy, and when you don't provide it, they lose interest. A simple, "Oh, hmm," before turning back to your work can be incredibly effective.
Know When to Report It. If the behavior crosses into bullying, harassment, or discrimination, document it and escalate the issue to HR or a trusted supervisor.
Focus on Your Well-Being. Your self-worth does not depend on how a narcissistic coworker treats you. Prioritize your mental health by leaning on trusted friends, therapy, or coaching to stay grounded.
If any of this resonated with you, please know that you are not crazy, you're not overreacting, and you are most definitely not alone. Recognizing these toxic patterns is the first, most crucial step toward protecting your peace and reclaiming your life. You deserve happiness and peace.
P.S. If this post felt like you were reading your own story, I want to remind you that you are not alone. If you're looking for a safe place to navigate this, I invite you to check out our
Rise and Thrive Women membership. It’s a private, off-social media community built for high-achieving and heart-centered women just like you. We offer support, resources, live coaching, and workshops to help you heal and rise. You can try it free for 7 days.
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